Writing something has been long overdue. My minds always a whirlpool of varied emotions and scribbling some of these emotions comes quite naturally to me. Unfortunately everything remains bundled inside due to a lot of factors and the dramatic queen inside me finds relief in writing inside the head only and reading it out aloud to herself.
Off late I find myself just going thru varied motions of life. Its like my lifes stuck at some place and I’m waiting for it to untangle itself and become the way it was. I have become nothing but a passive observer. To onlookers it appears as normal as it can possibly get, but deep down I know that I’m struggling. Struggling to be genuinely happy, struggling to laugh heartily, struggling to indulge in things that make me happy; cos I seem to have forgotten wat makes me happy, struggling to live only for myself for a while, struggling to come to peace with my changed surroundings.
Its like I want to soar in the sky but I seem to have forgotten flying. I have everything that I could possibly need in my life, but I dnt have myself. I was always this self assured kid who knew what she wanted and how to get dere. I went thru the occasional setbaks but I always bounced bak, much stronger dan before and always vtht ne support system.
Setbacks could never keep me pinned down for long. But this time although I have dealt vth dem, my inner being is not brimming vth joy. Its like the lingering effects prevail. And no I dnt need ne gyaan on how wrongly I’m dealing vth it, or how insignificant it is, or how I shud change my lifestyle & so on & so forth. I dnt need an invalidation of my feelings. Wat I need is wat I have rite now. A feeling of being at peace vth myself, sitting in my room soaking the last bit of peace exuded by it, every small thing in it reminding me of precious memories, a feeling of belongingness, just being around my family puts everything back in perspective. And this new perspective re-emphasizes the need to change myself as a person.
So a changed me is next in line. Its been quite overdue, but as they say, its never too late :)
2 comments:
I guess its easier said than done to change oneself, and it will probably be a temporary change!
You can still try, best of luck!
Yup i agree dat its easier said.But things wen learnt d hard way,stick vth u.So i guess watever change happens it wud b permanent...Rest Lets c.....
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