Memoirs

28th Sept’07,a date which is of primary significance in my life. I landed in Delhi on this very same day after 24 yrs of sheltered existence. Just 4 more days and I will complete a yr which marked a lot of milestones in my life and changed me in ways that I wouldn’t have dreamt of. I look back at them-some make me smile, others make me shudder.

Snapshots:

28th Sept’07: A girl gets out from a bus, luks around and tries to resolve in her heart dat she wud not cave in,cum wat may. She gets to spend dat nite in a room shared vth 4 other girls nd gets to spend d nite on d floor, constantly luking out for dat one rat wich was merrily measuring the length nd breadth of the room.

29th Sept’07: Out on the street, mind made up to shift newhere, nehow that day itself.

Oct’07: Getting accustomed to the new office, new people, new found solitary confinement. But a lease of life never leaves her. Helps her sail through.

Nov’07: Tasting office politics, trying not to grit her teeth at a tyrant’s whims and fancies. The lease of life still dere strongly by her side. As if its his mission in life.

Dec’07: Cumplts two successive yrs of crying on her B’day. Finally shifts to a place which she can call her own.

Jan’08: Extends her hand to start a new journey. Bliss follows.

19th Feb’08: First hand experience of being stranded on the street,vth no money and no house keys at 4 in the morning. Stands outside her landlords house vth darkness to accompany her and weird people passing her by, waiting for dawn so dat they wud let her in. All this vth a line playing in her head “U are not worth it”. Still plays sometimes.

15th March’08: Dis day changed her world and how. It led to a series of horrifying experiences-wish she cud erase them, wish they never happened. For the first time she was back stabbed nd dat too in fashion. A new world opened up and sucked her in-She’s still trying to get out of it.

April-May’08: Constant hell. Her life became a series of lies ,deceit, back stabbing .Witnessed and heard stuff wich scarred her forever. Discovered such hideous things that today her mind is a battlefield with all these discoveries at constant war vth herself.

5th June’08: Final Straw is pulled. A dignity wich she was so possessive of, was snatched away. How nd why her life became so miserable, seems like a child’s play on luking bak. It was indeed a child’s play. Outcome-A changed her who has such mental battles goin on even in sleep dat they cnt be passed off as being momentary ne longer. These events take turn in playing vth her,rather they fite vth each othr to declare a winner. At least they have fun at her expense.

July’08: Picking up and trying to put together the pieces after the devastation. Pieces fall in place, but they cum wrapped vth a bandage and each bandage has a story to tell. They do tell the story, but only in her head. She wishes they became lighter after narrating the story, but they keep on repeating it. Turns out, bandages are still deep in water. No matter how much you try to soak them, they just dnt dry. Seems like her perfect Fairytale wud always live vth a scar. She almost had a scar free one. Well Almost!

Aug’08: Suppression of thoughts art applied. Outcome- Works only for a while. But she’s trying. Materialistically she becomes a proud owner of her first car. Things start luking up. They become too gud to be true at times. But alas, they too cnt escape the tapping of old ghosts.

Sept’08: A yr stares bak vth the hope of getting a gud or a bad certificate.Well she will honour dis yr vth more dan a gud or a bad comment She wud declare it as a yr wich changed her life, her way of being, her personality forever. It etched things in stone, where sand wud have been preferred. And she will live to bear its repercussions!